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The Peaceful Coexistence of Grief and Joy

“Some people take longer to grieve than others.” Over the past twenty months (since Joe and I were married), I have heard this truth spoken on numerous occasions. Notice: it is a truth—a truth that I not only believe and defend but a truth that both encompasses and ignites a multitude of actions and reactions.

I have been the recipient of the words, and I have been the originator of the words.

I have been comforted by the graciousness that accompanied them, and, at times, I have found the pointed anger behind them to be offensive.

On two different occasions, Joe and I recently shared our “story” with someone, recalling God’s leading us together—much to our surprise and in a timing and way directed by God—following the death of his first wife. In both cases, their response to our joy surprised us: “We were very upset when one of our parents chose to remarry a few years following the death of the spouse. [Specifics withheld for obvious reasons.] After all, it just takes some people longer to grieve than others, and we are still grieving.”

That’s when the reality of what I already knew and believed hit me as if for the first time: it doesn’t have to be one or the other. Grief and joy can peacefully coexist. The depth, duration, demonstration, and dynamics of both will vary between individuals. However, it is never beneficial to attempt a comparison based on your own experience, because grief and joy are like snowflakes: never the same twice, yet able to join together to create a beauty designed by God.

To imply—via a reply—that joy is absent because grief is still present seems to indicate that it’s “all or nothin’.”

We have faced those who even after twenty months are, quite honestly, unkind and unwelcoming to me as Joe’s “new” spouse—some to the point of not speaking to me or of not participating in events because I would be there. Yes. That is truth. No. I do not share this in anger. I share it, after many months of prayer over this post (and with Joe’s approval), hoping that others will not have to walk this path when faced with the already difficult (but exciting) path of being a “second spouse.”

In the midst of a tear-filled phone call one day when I could contain the hurt no longer, one of my sisters wisely shared with me that those individuals most likely feel that to love me would be to betray their friend Betty (Joe’s late wife). Yet, she was my friend also. To hurt me is not to love Betty more; it is to betray the very principles of godliness and graciousness that she desired to live out during her time on earth. It is to betray her love for me as her friend and for Joe as the man to whom she pledged her love and trust for all the days of her life. It is to deny Joe and me the peaceful coexistence of grief and joy that we both feel—for numerous individuals.

There is room to love while feeling the very real and ever-present grief of loss.

When’s Joe’s precious daughter welcomes me into the family with kindness and love, it is not because I have “replaced” her mom or even her love for her mom. It is because she allows grief and joy to coexist. (And I love her bunches for this godly response!)

Christ wept over the loss of His dear friend (see John 11:35). His grief was real, public, and heartfelt. But it contained hope. And hope produces joy.

Our joy as a couple does not eliminate memories of great times. It does not alter or negate the existence of the past. It does, however, allow us to move forward. And in moving forward, we find comfort in the truths of Psalm 30:11–12 (ESV):

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”

I don’t know what or whom you are grieving today. You may grieve for many years to come. Go ahead and grieve. Grieve privately while pouring out your heart to God. Grieve publicly—not for personal attention but for the purpose of allowing others to help bear your burden. But in the midst of your grief, keep moving forward. Seek others you can care about, comfort, encourage, and love.

Focus on the joy that God longs for you to experience as evidence of His grace.

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By Petals from the Basket | May 4, 2018 | Bible Reading, Family, Life Changes |

The Captain’s Corner…BOOK!

“I’m always proud of you! And I love it when other people get to see why!” I’ve spoken this to my nieces and nephews through the years and often to my husband, but today, I once again spoke it to my husband, Joe.

You see, today, April 16, 2018, my dear husband (who co-authored our daily devotional book, Petals of Promises, with me) has published a book! Similar to my first three endeavors (the Petals from the Basket books), Joe’s book is a compilation of blog posts, devotional posts, and two brand-new devotionals that were written just for this book!

Statistics show that it takes twenty-one days to form a habit. This book of twenty-one devotionals will be the perfect tool to help someone form a habit of reading God’s Word or to maintain a habit or routine that is already in place!

Using his knowledge and experience from within the airline industry (Joe is a retired international airline pilot), Joe integrates that knowledge and experience with biblical truths to share brief but practical lessons for everyday Christian living.

You can find Joe’s new book, The Captain’s Corner, on Amazon by clicking here or by clicking on the photo of the book’s front cover.*

Congratulations, “Captain Joe!” I love you!

*We currently have no plans to make the book available for Kindle.

By Petals from the Basket | April 17, 2018 | Books, Family, God-and-I-Time, Ideas, Life Changes, The Captain's Corner |

When Change Exercises Your Faith

After the Israelites crossed the Red Sea (as recorded in Exodus 14) what followed could be likened to kids coming home from a week of Christian camp in the summer. Often, the campers are on a “spiritual high,” infused with excitement for hearing God’s Word and spiritually well nourished by the quiet time that was set aside each day for devotional reading.

Sadly, due to a lack of encouragement, a change in their routine and surroundings, or, in some cases because the changes were only emotional or were made in the moment or under pressure to be like the other campers, these changes are often known for being temporary. When the faith these young campers were learning to develop and nurture is tested, it fails. (By the way, church leaders of theirs, parents, and friends, when kids come home from camp, help them keep the momentum going by continuing to disciple them and train them so that they can take the next spiritual step on their faith journey. Your influence and example matter!)

When Moses and the Israelites left on a spiritual high from “Camp Red Sea,” they headed into the wilderness of Shur (see Exodus 15:22). Three days in, they still could not find water. This was not good. However, they journeyed on, still in search of water.

When they reached Marah, they found water, but it was bitter. Thankfully, Moses took the problem straight to the Lord (Exodus 15:25). The Lord showed Moses a log (“tree,” KJV); Moses threw the log into the water; the water became sweet. Yum. Problem solved.

Or so you would think, based on the outward appearance of things.

Inwardly, however, the Israelites were still on the bubble when it came to their faith in the great I AM. Their faith needed to work its spiritual muscles and be exercised a bit.

James 1:2–3 states that when our faith in Who God is gets tested, it often produces the quality of patience within us. The Amplified Bible states James 1:3 this way: “Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace].”

In other words, as your spiritual muscles are tested during a change or trial (to see if they are there), the exercise required for making it through the change will strengthen them!

Unfortunately, instead of allowing their faith to be strengthened by their latest change in location, the children of Israel basically hovered over zero on the “faithometer.” God had very recently wiped out the entire Egyptian entourage that had followed them into the Red Sea. Did they actually think that He couldn’t provide food and water for them?

When change enters the room (or wilderness, in this case), it provides an opportunity for our faith to be exercised. We can choose to complain, or we can start exercising what we know to be true about our great God. Which one will you choose?

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This post is, in part, an excerpt from Brenda’s seven-lesson Bible study, Choosing to Change when Change Happens (“Lesson Four: Change Can Exercise Our Faith”), which is suitable for individual or group study. Click here to learn more and to order your copies.

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By Petals from the Basket | April 12, 2018 | Bible Reading, Books, God-and-I-Time, Ideas, Life Changes |

The Best Seat in the House

The Captain’s Corner

Whether you fly as a pilot or as a passenger, the view from the airplane is not only beautiful; it is also fascinating. Throughout my flying career, such panoramas gripped my attention, and I loved every second of the show.

Ground patterns, colors, vistas, clouds, mountains, rivers, cities, fields, lakes, and oceans—all provided thrilling and unique visual displays. No flight was “routine.” Even though the sights changed constantly, I never got tired of the scenery.

One sight was the seemingly continuous sunset as I flew westbound from the East Coast. Likewise, the morning star, ushering in the dawn of the day (after I had flown most of the night across the North Atlantic), would capture my attention and imagination. Clouds presented tantalizing shapes as they grew to a height that far exceeded our cruising altitude. Flying over a flat cloud layer would sometimes allow me to see “the pilot’s glory”—a beautiful rainbow ring around the shadow of the airplane, reflecting on the cloud layer. Night flying provided the appearance of “jewels on black velvet,” with the pinpoint appearance of lights from cities and towns sparkling upward from within the dark landscape. Moonlight, along with starlight, had a distinct beauty.

I gratefully observed all of this from what pilot’s often call “the best seat in the house”: the pilot’s seat. The psalmist, in Psalm 19:1 (KJV), gives credit to God for the beauty of His creation: “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.”

Psalm 104:24 (NKJV) speaks of the magnitude of the scope of this creation: “O Lord, how manifold are Your works! In wisdom You have made them all. The earth is full of Your possessions.”

Don’t wait until your next flight to observe this creation and to praise the Creator! Praise Him now! He is worthy!

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By Petals from the Basket | April 7, 2018 | Bible Reading, God-and-I-Time, Life Changes, The Captain's Corner |

Lord, please be with….

This post may shake up your thinking a little. It may even change the way you pray. I hope it will do both.

As Christians, we can tend to react to current trends in Christendom with extremes. For example, if a group tends to strongly overemphasize the work of the Holy Spirit, we may avoid spending too much time talking about the Holy Spirit—almost “downplaying” His work, if you will. We don’t want to appear as “extreme” as “those people,” so we go to the opposite extreme.

Another increasingly popular teaching involves the seemingly extreme focus on receiving blessings from God based on calling out to Him with a “name it and claim it” thought process. In reacting to this “prosperity gospel” approach, we may avoid teachings about exercising our faith in order to accept the limitless blessings of God. We try so hard to avoid the one because of our belief that even “unanswered prayer” (i.e., a different answer from what we prayed for) is a gift from God, so we focus on that element of prayer rather than approaching the “scary zone” that our God is exceedingly able!

Yet I believe that both of these examples illustrate that the evil ick (the devil) often has us right where he wants us.

He wants us to be intimidated by the thought of calling out to the Holy Spirit to lead us, guide us, comfort us. He wants us to avoid acknowledging that the Holy Spirit indwells us, empowers us, and teaches us. He wants us to be silent because we fear becoming “too extreme.”

Additionally, the evil one wants us to place a border on what we feel we can ask God to do. After all, if we truly believe God can do anything (see Jeremiah 32:17) and provide “exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (see Ephesians 3:20), people may think we’re teaching extremist thoughts on God’s blessings and the prosperity of His provisions.

But we can’t let Satan win. God is greater.

Yet despite what we know to be right, we continue to let the evil one hold our faith at bay. We give in to his whispers about what others may or may not think. We care too much and forfeit the victory too quickly.

I am more and more convinced of this as I hear my fellow believers pray. Our words are “if-y.” We give God an “out” in case our prayer is not answered as we prayed. Yes, Christ taught us that we are to pray for God’s will to be done, acknowledging (with no timidity involved) that it’s up to God to do as He chooses and to uphold His promises to care for us, to love us, and to never leave us or forsake us.

However, while speaking in prayer of our faith in His ability to provide, to hear, and to answer, we continue to use words like “be with” on a regular basis: “Lord, be with the speaker today”; “Lord, be with my kids while they’re in school”; “Father, please be with my friend who is having surgery today.”

If faith is trusting God to keep His Word (and it is), then we must believe Him when He says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5, ESV). This verse tells us that we have no need to ask Him the specific request to, “Be with….” He has already promised that He’s there! Our faith is too small.

Additionally, Jesus Himself spoke the words, “You do not have because you do not ask” (James 4:2, NASB). Sweet faith-friend, ask. Ask for His will to be done. Ask believing that He is already there. But ask.

Don’t let the evil ick hinder your prayers, minimize your faith, or keep you from receiving the bounty of God’s blessings simply out of fear of becoming “too extreme!”

God is greater. God is able. God is already there.

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Would you like to start or end your day with a devotional that helps you to focus on the promises of God?
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By Petals from the Basket | March 26, 2018 | Bible Reading, God-and-I-Time |