Petals from the Basket

Blog

How to Keep Order in Your Life

Dear Grandma,

How can I give order to my life—actually, my life and my mate’s life—[in a situation] where I am the caregiver, and my mate is the one I am attempting to give care to. How should my days look so that I can go to bed in relative peace each night and wake to meet each day with confidence, avoiding exhaustion, etc.?

~~~~~~~~

Grandma says:

While I am certainly not a caregiver expert after caring three years for my husband, I learned a lot in those years, and the principles can surely be applied by other caregivers.

Your sense of order will depend on the amount of care your mate needs. If your mate is able to sleep in his or her own bed, eat meals with you, perform a few routine tasks, and at least have input into financial decisions, you should be able to plan your days, eliminating less important chores. This could include things like extra cleaning or doing things by hand, such as hand wash. Of course, sometimes the things you eliminate will be lunch out or a Bible study with a friend.

As a personal example of this: for about thirty years I made sourdough bread. It was a lengthy process, but the results were worth it! However, in recent years, the times when I needed to knead the dough, roll it out, or bake it seemed to clash with the times I needed to assist my husband. At that point, the sourdough bread became history—with no lingering regrets.

If your mate is restricted to a recliner, can no longer eat at the table with you, and needs assistance with normal everyday functions, your days will need to be planned with the knowledge that everything must be flexible. Though you are longing for a sense of order, you must keep calm when that order is disturbed. If your mate is bedridden and needs a great deal of assistance, he or she takes priority over everything in your day—and yes, also your night. Your house and its needs will likely be there in the future, but your mate will not.

Very early I made a decision that I would care for my husband in the same way that I would care for my Lord if He were my patient. I could go to bed exhausted but with a sense of having given my best that day. I could sleep well—though sometimes with several interruptions—but I would awaken eager to see what the Lord had for us each day.

When caring for my husband became a two-person job, our youngest daughter moved into our home to co-labor with me. For that I was always be grateful. So let me encourage you to accept assistance from family, friends, and/or other outside resources (such as a nursing home facility).

Here are a few simple things that can help to add order to your day:

  • Cook in quantity and freeze meal-appropriate amounts.
  • Accept help when it is offered. (Usually this involves someone offering to bring you a meal.)
  • Learn to like soup! Having soup on hand is a great help, because it can simply be warmed up whenever it’s needed.
  • Allow friends or volunteers to pick up things for you when they’re at the store.
  • Play soft, calming, instrumental music in the background of the room that you and/or your patient are in most often.
  • Take time now to prepare a list of your spouse’s medications (needed for doctor visits, hospital emergencies, 911 calls, etc.).
  • Have a list of emergency contacts and their phone numbers near your phone.
  • Keep a to-do list in a central location for things you think of now but can’t get to until later.
  • Ask your spouse what things are of concern to him or her, and make certain that those things are cared for in a way, time, and manner that set his or her mind at ease.
As you think of other things that could be eliminated from your daily routine, be sure that your personal time with the Lord and His Word is not one of them! That is your primary source of strength for the challenges of each day.

Care for your loved one so that you have no regrets. When you do, the peace the passes all understanding will be yours. First Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV) tells us: “No temptation [trial] has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted [tried] beyond what you are able, but with the temptation [trial] will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

With love,

Grandma

Do you have a question for Grandma (about marriage, children, women’s groups, being a caregiver, etc.)?

Send your question to: Grandma@PetalsfromtheBasket.com

__________

*Petals from the Basket, PetalsfromtheBasket.com, Brenda Strohbehn, and Lorraine Strohbehn accept no legal liability for the answers given in the “Ask Grandma” posts. We reserve the right to refuse inappropriate content and will deny access to false or contrived e-mail addresses. Additionally, should the e-mails we receive in conjunction with this site or this series of posts contain information regarding illegal activity or actions that would cause injury to the sender or to others, the required legal action and reporting will occur.

By Petals from the Basket | February 13, 2015 | Ask Grandma, Family, Friends |

Valentine Gift Giving Made Easy

Alright, gentlemen, I’m going to make Valentine’s Day extra easy for you this year!

The only thing you have to do is order by midnight (EST) on Tuesday, February 10, 2015, and I’ll take care of the following:

 

 Petals from the Basket

Valentine Package

* One copy of Petals from the Basket: Devotional Thoughts for Women [$7.99 value]

This is a highly popular book of 52 devotional thoughts taken from the blog by the same name—suitable for any age!

The cover is pink flowers, making it just right for your Valentine recipient!

* Gift wrapped [$3.49 value]

* Gift card enclosed (You write the words; we put them on the card in neat, easy-to-read print.) [$1.00 value]

* Mailed directly to your Valentine gift recipient. All orders will be sent two-day priority mail. [$4.00 value for shipping, packaging, and handling]

The value of the Petals from the Basket Valentine Package is $16.89.

BUT

Here’s the bottom line that you’re looking for—Your price: $10.00! (Plus the priceless value of having it taken care of and shipped right to your recipient’s door!)




By Petals from the Basket | February 8, 2015 | Books, Events, Ideas |

Grandma’s Advice for Guiding Your Children through Life’s Hurts and Disappointments

Dear Grandma,

As a mom, how can I best help and guide [my daughters] through life’s hurts and disappointments while remaining positive myself?

Thank you!

~~~~~~~~

Grandma says:

Each child responds to hurts and disappointments in his or her own way: one might respond with shrugged shoulders and a “so-what” attitude; another may have a crushed spirit and be certain that things will never be the same again. One child may share with you what happened and seek advice regarding the proper response; another might clam up and require you to use skillful and wise questioning to learn what the problem is.

The earthly parents of our Lord Jesus Christ were challenged to care for Him in diverse and challenging ways. When He was only two years old, His parents were subservient to a king who wanted to kill their son Jesus. They sought refuge in Egypt. (Suggested reading: Matthew 2:12–15.) When Jesus was twelve, they were challenged to retrace their steps to find Him when He was asking questions of the wise spiritual leaders in the temple. (Suggested reading: Luke 2:42–50.)

“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52, NIV).

Your daughters are also growing in all four of these areas: mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. You, as parents, want your children to be well-balanced adults. Disappointments are part of the growing process—yes, even for adults. Do not try to solve the disappointments and hurts yourself. It is hard to see your children hurting. But part of growing up is problem solving. You may need to give your children the gift of failure to help them realize that wrong choices bring scars. In the midst of this, they also need to know that you love them unconditionally. Even when they make a wrong choice, you must still love them, accept them, help them, and encourage them.

Seeing you deal with challenges is their greatest teacher. What you value most will determine how you handle the challenges that come your way. Do you most value financial gain, social acceptance, being admired, or honoring the Lord? Your children are aware of your answer!

I would like to recommend two books. If your daughters are preteen, Shepherding a Child’s Heart (by Tedd Tripp) is an excellent basic book on raising children from a Christian perspective. If they are teens, add Age of Opportunity (by Paul David Tripp). My dear husband highly recommended both of these books. He would always defend teens when parents or anyone would put them down. Perhaps this spirit of not belittling teens was why even when he was confined to bed in his final months, he enjoyed several visits from various young people.

As often as possible, allow your daughters to have friends in your home. This will help to prevent many hurts and disappointments by allowing you to interact with them and be a part of their world. You can do this by playing table games, learning about their interests, and sharing experiences with them. They will leave knowing that your home is a caring and friendly place. Many hurts can be eliminated when the home is a haven.

When there is a confrontation between your child and another, be certain that your child is willing to forgive. (This is an important lesson to teach your daughters.) Pray for that individual. Make sure that your daughter knows that she can come and talk to you about her hurts. Realize as her mom that when you give the other person to the Lord, you can help your daughter to feel confident, regardless of how she is treated by others.

The calm in your spirit as you surrender your own hurts to the Lord will be reflected in your children’s response.

With love,

Grandma (Lorraine)

_________________________

Do you have a question for Grandma (about marriage, children, women’s groups, being a caregiver, etc.)?

Send your question to: Grandma@PetalsfromtheBasket.com

__________

*Petals from the Basket, PetalsfromtheBasket.com, Brenda Strohbehn, and Lorraine Strohbehn accept no legal liability for the answers given in the “Ask Grandma” posts. We reserve the right to refuse inappropriate content and will deny access to false or contrived e-mail addresses. Additionally, should the e-mails we receive in conjunction with this site or this series of posts contain information regarding illegal activity or actions that would cause injury to the sender or to others, the required legal action and reporting will occur.

_________________________

Congratulations, Becca F.! You are the winner of a $25.00 Amazon gift card, so check your e-mail!

Thank you to the many who entered by commenting on the previous post (both here and on our Facebook page)!

By Petals from the Basket | February 5, 2015 | Ask Grandma, Family |

How Far Do You Read?

For Christmas this year, my parents gave each of us a set of books or commentaries from my father’s library. Dad was still living at the time, and he carefully selected the sets of books he wanted each person to have, based on his or her interests or reading habits. Because he could no longer get out of bed—let alone walk the stairway that led to his office on the top floor—he would tell us exactly where to find the books on his multiple well-ordered bookshelves around the room. While that fact alone is worthy of its own blog post, it is not the focus of this one.

The part that all of us loved best about receiving these books was that my dad had underlined, highlighted, and made personal notes in many of them. To see what was important to him, recorded for all time, was in many ways far more impactful than the published contents of the pages themselves.

When my oldest nephew received his books, he made a unique observation: the underlining and page marking continued throughout the entire book! That simple action spoke volumes to my nephew, and as he mentioned it to me, I quickly saw the depth of character, humility, and thirst for learning this represented, particularly as I thought about my own bookshelves.

Knowing full well what I would find, I walked over and pulled a recently “completed” book off the third shelf. Twenty chapters, carefully marked and underlined—through chapter 16. Maybe I just didn’t need the material in the last four chapters, I tried to convince myself. However, it was a book on Christian living, and I needed that material—oh how I needed it! Maybe I was too convicted by the material in chapters 1-16 to continue. All the more reason to finish!

Surely this book was the exception.

Try as I might, I couldn’t fool myself into believing that. As I continued to pull book after book from my shelves, I saw the visual proof: I had devoured with great delight the first portion of the book, had become sidetracked at times throughout the middle of the book, and all too often had not bothered to complete the final chapter or chapters of the book (or had at least stopped marking anything by that point), most likely distracted by the next “must-read” book that I had heard about.

For those who like fiction, I’m sure it would be difficult to set a book aside without knowing “the ending.” However, this practice sadly seems to be the norm among nonfiction enthusiasts. Perhaps that’s why my father’s final-chapter markings stood out in such strong contrast to “the norm.”

Finish the job. See it through. Learn everything there is to learn. Don’t just read it—apply it. What you read might not help you personally, but it might help you to help someone else. Don’t stop until the end. Never give up. End strong. Humbly acknowledge your need to receive help from someone else. Gather wisdom. End strong.

I’m planning to spend much of February reading—and marking!—the closing chapter(s) of far too many books, with several of the concise reminders above prodding me to the finish line. The correlation between their application to finishing a book and living life with purpose, direction, and an unending desire to live, give, and learn is too great to ignore.

“I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do” (the words of Jesus to His heavenly Father, as recorded in John 17:4, NIV).

_______________________________

SURPRISE! To have your name entered into a random drawing for a FREE $25.00 Amazon gift card (drawing held at 12:01 a.m. (EST), Thursday, February 5, 2015), leave a comment here or on our Facebook page, sharing only ONE of the italicized concise reminders (from the next-to-the-last paragraph) that could help you to “read to the end!” The winner will be announced in Thursday’s blog post! Only one entry per person.

________________

Photo credit: Lucky Business, via Shutterstock.com

 

By Petals from the Basket | February 3, 2015 | Books, Family, Life Changes |

Grandma’s Here to Answer Your Questions!

Dear Grandma,

First let me express my heartfelt sympathy for your recent loss of your beloved husband. It has been my privilege to pray for you all and follow along for a few months with the blog. I rejoice with you that he is now in heaven rejoicing with the saints who have gone before us—my precious mom being one of them. And what a faith-filled and faithful life to Christ he lived. Praise God!

I’ll get right to my question: After living with a person with PD [Parkinson’s disease], what advice would you give me for the journey? My husband was [recently] diagnosed with PD…I have read much to gain understanding and how to help but would appreciate wisdom from a godly woman who has gone through the experience.

Thank you so much.

~~~~~~~~~

Grandma says:

Thank you for your kind words of sympathy. What a blessing it is to know that others care.

I recall first hearing from our neurologist that my husband had Parkinson’s disease. My mind immediately envisioned someone we knew who had a consuming type of Parkinson’s and whose family was devastated. I was pleased to have our doctor say that no two patients are alike. So first of all, don’t compare your husband with any other Parkinson’s patients.

Life is fleeting for each of us. Be sure that eternal things are cared for: first of all, salvation. Try to care for broken relationships so that your lives are free to face each challenge as it appears.

We found that home nursing care through our local hospital was a tremendous help. [When you call, ask if they offer “palliative care.” You may also click here to learn more about palliative care and to see if it is available in your area.] In my husband’s final months, the local hospital’s home hospice care was a true blessing. They were a teaching, caring, and comforting cluster of professionals. We truly felt that their presence was like having family here who loved and wanted the best for my husband.

Ben often mentioned how thankful he was that he did not have pain with his situation. He had weakness, but he did not have pain.

Get on the mailing list for the Parkinson’s Disease Foundation right away. Each of their newsletters contained at least one piece of information that we could apply to my husband’s journey at that time. [You can click here to visit the website for the PDF and order free informative materials, including their newsletter.]

We were able to keep my husband in our home until his death, thanks to a supportive, involved family. Even with that support, not everyone chooses to or is able to do that. You want whatever is best for your loved one. For some, that may be nursing home care in a carefully chosen care facility. Advice will be abundant, but at the end of the day, you must do whatever is best for him and for you.

Be alert to his symptoms. [These are available on the Parkinson’s Disease Foundation’s website mentioned above.] Do not be embarrassed about seeking advice, as needed, from your doctor. Swallowing becomes very difficult for most people with PD, so be prepared for this. Palliative care may have “speech therapy” available to teach him some swallowing exercises, which we found very beneficial. However, if or when he begins to drool without the ability to control this, help him to understand that this is a normal part of the disease and let him know that you understand that he is not doing this intentionally. It happens. If you face his symptoms with understanding and not embarrassment for him, others will react in the same way.

Be patient. Things that used to come easily will now take more time to accomplish or to understand. If you will build this added time into your schedule and allow for this, there is less stress or pressure for your patient to be expected to do what he is no longer capable of doing.

At a certain point—and you will know when that is—he will become your first priority. Sometimes, that literally means 24–7 care. Your second priority, I believe, is maintaining order in your home. Routine and structure are imperative for Parkinson’s patients, and a well-ordered home helps make that aspect easier for everyone.

Develop activities that will help to pass the long, quiet hours for a chair- or bed-bound patient. We loved reviewing memorized Scripture; reading the Bible together (in late months from an easily understood and concisely written children’s Bible story book); singing favorite hymns, choruses, and songs from years gone by; remembering events from the past; and I often sought his advice on some of the choices to be made for things like what to have for supper, what he wanted to wear the next day, and a plethera of other topics that fit his interests and desires. (These are not choices regarding death and funerals; that should be cared for at the earliest possible time).

My husband rejoiced often in the faithfulness of God, and I also rejoice in the faithfulness of my husband.

May your journey together be filled with sweet fellowship so that there are no regrets.

With love,

Grandma (Lorraine)

Do you have a question for Grandma (about marriage, children, women’s groups, being a caregiver, etc.)?

Send your question to: Grandma@PetalsfromtheBasket.com

__________

*Petals from the Basket, PetalsfromtheBasket.com, Brenda Strohbehn, and Lorraine Strohbehn accept no legal liability for the answers given in the “Ask Grandma” posts. We reserve the right to refuse inappropriate content and will deny access to false or contrived e-mail addresses. Additionally, should the e-mails we receive in conjunction with this site or this series of posts contain information regarding illegal activity or actions that would cause injury to the sender or to others, the required legal action and reporting will occur.

 

By Petals from the Basket | January 30, 2015 | Ask Grandma, Guest Posts, Ideas, Life Changes |