Picture it: A ladies-only brunch—my grandmother’s gold-trimmed fine china; gold flatware; coordinating linens, chargers, and glassware; a printed menu that includes the order of events; gentle music playing in the background . . . and the dog in daycare to ensure a quiet, soothing atmosphere.
Nearly perfect, right? Nope. I messed up. From the get-go.
Backstory: Our church is planning a two-day ladies’ conference to be held next month, and I’m honored, humbled, and thrilled to get to share some truths from the Bible during one of the breakout sessions. Because prayer is such an important element of preparing to speak at an event like this, I called one of the planners and offered to host a “Prayer and Fellowship” brunch for the other speakers and the two ladies overseeing various elements of the event.
I created a text-able invitation to make it a little extra special and quickly sent it to the six ladies in the group, inviting them to the mid-morning brunch that would be held on a Tuesday morning. Four of us are retired; two are teachers with the summer off; one is a mom of littles—but I don’t know much more about her than that. I did no research. I texted the invitations.
As I stated above: I. Messed. Up.
The dear ladies began to reply, each with a positive response regarding her ability to attend. I was thrilled and so excited about making this a sweet event centered around fellowship and prayer with other Christian women. I began finalizing the menu and making lists.
So . . . what’s the problem, Brenda? Sounds like a pretty great event to me!
It came when I opened the fourth text reply: The bottom line was that the young mom I knew little about has four young children, and because of the timing of the event, they would likely need to come with their mom that morning, or she would be unable to attend. (Let me state from the start that the mom is a sweetheart, and her reply was in line with that!)
We love children! It’s important that you know this. But our home is not child-friendly . . . particularly if the children will be unsupervised.
Because I want the ladies to feel pampered in a calm environment with other ladies, my mind went into overdrive. I would not offend this dear mama for all the world. I thought about it, prayed about it, and without sharing too much information with others, sought some outside counsel so that I could come up with a solution that would allow us to maintain the purpose for the brunch and still possibly accommodate children in a nearby room. Nothing was clicking as a viable alternative.
One of my nieces has four young children, so I quickly called and got “outside advice” regarding how wearing my retirement-mindset blinders had impacted this woman’s ability to possibly bring her children or else not be able attend. My niece’s advice was gracious, kind, helpful, and, quite honestly, eye-opening!
I’ve had to acknowledge that there are things I just won’t be able to do in this season of life. In reality, everyone at every life stage has to reach that point. Churches mean well, but, well . . . think about it: They plan a special Sunday morning service (for which we need to get up early to get all four of our children ready at the same time). It’s followed by Sunday School, and then they have an all-church potluck with a fellowship/worship time at the end. We get home at 3:00, or later. Naps are late. Kids are grumpy. And it carries over into Monday, when it’s time to get up for school. Don’t get me wrong—we know we just may not be able to go. There will be other events we can attend sometime. But it’s also important for churches, when planning church-related events that are intended to serve the needs of all who attend, to find ways to minister to those with the most constraints.
Did you catch that? We, as believers, for church-related events (or ladies-only prayer-and-fellowship brunches), need to find ways to minister to those with the most constraints.
What about the retired couple who can’t come to the evening event because they no longer can drive at night? What about the family whose child with disabilities can’t participate in the family-wide carnival events: an obstacle course, a climbing wall, and a bounce house? What about the dads who can’t come to the prayer breakfast because their wives are working outside the home, and making breakfast for the littles matters more?
Stop a minute. I feel like you’re about to reply without reading what I’m saying. What I’m not saying is that every church member must be able to attend and fully participate in every activity or event. That’s impossible.
What my niece said, and what I am parking my thoughts on (i.e., what I am saying), is that we—as a church, as a small group, as a Sunday-school class, as a student ministries leader, as a retired woman hosting people in her home—need to find ways to minister to those with the most constraints.
Some activities will include one group; some activities will include another, with the bottom line being this: there should be some activities available to all!
My solution for the situation at hand? I picked up the phone, called my new young friend, apologized for not taking her season of life into consideration, explained that the event and location were not child-friendly (which I don’t think would be fair to the children—requiring them to be still and quiet so that a table of ladies can pray undistracted), and offered a few optional solutions. Within the hour, this dear mama texted me with the solution. All is well.
But mark my words: From here on out, as much as the situation allows for it, I will strive not to put another person in the position of having to decline an invitation solely because I hadn’t thought it through first! Instead, I will take a moment to find ways to minister to those with the most constraints.