In the spirit of full disclosure, I will preface this post by stating that I do not have children. I have never had children. And I have never been married. 

Now, for those who think they know me but honestly don’t have a clue, they are whispering, “Yeah, and I know why.” For those who know me—and the compassionate heart that consumes me—they know why those two facts have often been sad for me. Yet, as for my response, I say with utmost sincerity, “For reasons I don’t claim to know or need to know, that was not what God had for me.” I can whine or question it until I’m purple in the face, but then I not only come home to an empty house, I also enter the door with a purple face—and that’s just not attractive! So, please don’t let those facts override the content of this post. It just simply needed to be adressed from the outset. End of discussion.

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When my niece was quite young (she is now a lovely married woman), she had some pretty definite opinions about what she liked in the way of colors and style when it came to both decorating and clothing. One evening when she was visiting my parents, my father (her grandpa) was wearing an uncharacteristically colorful red plaid shirt. In her gracious (even for one so young) and carefully worded manner, she looked around the table and said, “There are four people at this table, and three of them look very nice.”

Now, while we can snicker at her pointed meaning, I’m sure you’ve experienced similar situations throughout your lifetime. However, the situations undoubtedly ran a little deeper than the color of your clothing. In fact, some of the most hurtful words I have ever heard were the ones left unspoken.

Take, for example, the perfectly well-intended words spoken by a preacher many years ago now. In his zealous—and again, well-motivated—sermon on Mother’s Day, he stated that the highest calling a woman could have was to be a good mate to her husband and to have the privilege of being a mother. While many in the congregation suddenly felt uplifted in their calling and encouraged in their spirits, others of us suddenly felt—by what had not been said—that we were living beneath our “highest calling.” I literally went home and sobbed for hours that I wasn’t “good enough” to be serving God in the highest way possible.

Consider also a recent blog post that went viral on Facebook and other social media sites, sharing wise advice for moms about spending time with their children and loving them more than the “stuff” they think needs to get done. It was a wonderful, God-honoring blog post, filled with rich content, and I was thrilled that it was shared in such a broad manner. But once again, through the notes people added as they “shared” this post, the unspoken words screamed omission to those without children to nuture and love: “This is a great article. It reminded me that I truly have the most important job on earth.” “Moms, you need to read this and remember that God has given you the highest calling a woman can have.” Ah, the bittersweet mix of joy and a wounded spirit as I read these words written by my friends.

I am all but certain that not one person—seriously, not one—purposely wrote those words to say, “If you’re not a mom, you’re a second-class Christian.” Not one. But I can all but guarantee you that those precious moms had several single friends—or friends of friends—who silently closed down their computers, feeling that sense of hopelessness when a single woman thinks, “I would serve you in that way if I could, Lord, but I guess I’ll just stand in the back when I reach heaven and hope that You’ll still love me even though I didn’t live up to my highest calling.”

Does that sound like an overly dramatic response to you? If so, you’re not single, or you’re not aware of the power of your words—both spoken and unspoken. Please, I beg you, stop telling women to be content with their marital status (which they should be) and then treating them like they chose it (which, in essence, they didn’t). Teach them—whatever their past, present, or future marital status—Who God is, what He has done, and how very much He loves them.

I may write more on this topic in the near future, for I sincerely long to help moms, teachers, church women’s group leaders, and friends include the singles in their ministries and in their lives just as they would anyone else. (I’m not saying that all churches or religious groups don’t do this; I’m simply acknowledging that as a general rule, it’s an area that is greatly lacking in many religious circles—and if it is addressed, it’s often done in bitterness, ignorance, or with an ill-motivated piety that uses anything but the Bible in its premise.)

But for today, let me close with this thought. While Scripture is clear that parents are to train their children in God’s ways (and that is a critical, important role entrusted to them by God) they are, as are Christian singles, first and foremost (i.e., their highest calling is) to love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, and mind—and they are to love their neighbor (whether single or married) in the same way they love themselves. We all have the same “high calling”—to press on toward the heavenly goal in whatever way and in whatever place and in whatever marital status God has chosen for us.

One step we can take to put this true high calling into action is to weigh our words as they are spoken—and left unspoken.

“I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” —Philippians 3:14, KJV

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