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A PK’s View of the Family of God

As a PK (“pastor’s kid”), I often felt that others thought I was supposed to be perfect. The voice that spoke this expectation the loudest was my own. Yet my dear parents helped me to learn that while I was indeed to live a life dedicated to God in word and deed, it was to be the result of being a surrendered Christ follower—not because of any role my parents or I played in the leadership of the church.

I failed miserably. And I do mean miserably. And I failed often. And I do mean often. Yet God’s grace reached out to me just as it did to anyone else. He loved me. He forgave me. He rescued me from the separation from God that came because I was born into a world of sin. He saved me!

So why is there a tendency on the part of church-going people to watch the pastor’s family so closely? Is it because they think the pastor’s family is supposed to be sinless—that they have a stricter set of commands from God that they must follow? No. I don’t believe that’s why. (Although, some pastors’ families live with that sense of martyrdom and piety, giving authority to those thoughts rather than proving them wrong.)

I personally believe that the pastor’s family lives by the same set of commands for Christlike living that are given to all other believers. But there’s a reason God gives specific guidelines in His Word to pastors. They are to be an example, to show what it looks like to live out these commands, and to equip others to do the same. This is true not only in making right choices; it is also true when sinful choices are made, and the pastor and/or his family can demonstrate that God’s grace is greater than sin.

That’s why the evil one tries so hard to destroy pastors and their families. Not because they’re special or “better” than others in the church, but because they are the ones called upon to demonstrate the Christian life to other believers in the church and in the community. The evil ick wants nothing more than to destroy that example and, in doing so, to try (unsuccessfully) to mar the name of God.

However, it’s imperative to note here that he is seeking to destroy any believer that he deems to be a threat to his cause. While this often happens through forces outside the church itself, it can also happen within the church (the family of God) and even more personally than that: in our physical families.

Families that the evil one can’t divide by adultery, lawlessness, or divorce, he spends extra time trying to divide by pride, gossip, anger, resentment, and falsehood—both perceived and real. Family matters. Protect it with unconditional love and loyalty—for the glory of God.

You were placed in your earthly family for a reason. Ephesians chapters five and six talk about the role of various members of the family because this is where the unconditional love of God is to be demonstrated first! It is where His mercy and grace are to be carried out on a daily basis. It’s also where it’s the hardest to serve Him with our entire body, soul, and spirit because it’s where we can “let our hair down,” where we can “vent,” and where we think people have to love us, so we must be able to treat them however we want to.

Yet that is not the command God gives to all believers. He warns us in Proverbs 13:10 that “only by pride comes contention.” When contention arises in the home (or in the church), pride is present. Period. He further reminds all believers to “love one another” (John 13:34–35). And then He lists the qualities of that love in I Corinthians 13:4–8.

So whether you’re a pastors’ family, a family within the church, or simply a family seeking to know and live for God, protect the wonderful privilege God has given to you to demonstrate His love, mercy, and grace—and start by doing it at home.

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By Petals from the Basket | October 18, 2013 | Family |

Getting Ready for 30 Days of Gratitude

A line from an old hymn says, “Time is now fleeting; the moments are passing….” The older I get, the faster those moments seem to pass. But I actually love the sense of urgency that brings to getting things done and to stop procrastinating those plans that all too often end in “…some day.” While we must embrace every moment we are given—and not seek to rush through the lessons and blessings that those moments hold—we must also prepare and make the necessary plans to accomplish those goals, tasks, and desires.

So at the risk of seeming like I’m rushing through October—and who would want to rush through these amazing colors of autumn?—I am posting the e-booklet for November’s Thirty Days of Gratitude. This FREE, downloadable and/or prinatble guide offers suggestions for various groups of people or individuals to thank each day of the month of November.

The e-booklet also offers a daily recommended reading plan for reading the book of Psalms in thirty day (a great book in the Bible for meditating on praise and gratitude). Additionally, it includes a name, action, or quality of God taken from one of the chapters recommended for that day.

I’m posting it early so that you can prepare your cards, list of gratitude recipients, or small gifts of gratitude early! But I’m also posting it early so that I can you ask you to help me with something. I’m praying that 1,000 of these booklets will be downloaded over the course of the remainder of October and into November. But I need your help to make that happen. Please “share” the booklet on Facebook, tweet about it on Twitter, attach it to an e-mail, write a blog post and include the page link, etc.

Yes, there are now probably tens or hundreds of other such “30 Days of Gratitude” programs taking place this year—and I personally find that to be wonderful! (I’m sincerely probably one of the least “competitive” people you’ll ever meet!) And no, there is no personal reward or sticker that I will receive for reaching the number of 1,000 downloads. But won’t it feel great to know that we are helping others to stop and become (or continue being) intentional about showing gratitude to others?

So the time to start is now! I’m including the downloadable copy in this post (primarily for those who get these posts by e-mail), but I’m also including a link so that you can direct people to the actual page for this e-booklet. (See the tabs at the top of the page? Click here to go directly to the page designated to Thirty Days of Gratitude. This is the page you can direct people to.)

But just to make it easy for you today, click on the photo below to download your FREE copy of Thirty Days of Gratitude!

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Did you join us for Thirty Days of Gratitude on this site (or via our Facebook page) last year? I’d love to hear a “testimonial” from you regarding something you learned or shared with others through this activity! Please feel free to share this through “Leave a Comment.”
By Petals from the Basket | October 11, 2013 | Bible Reading, Books, Events, The Card Store - Letter-Writing, Thirty Days of Gratitude |

Ten Ways to Show Appreciation to Your Pastor

While I was growing up in a pastor’s home, there was not (that I knew of) an “official” Pastor Appreciation Month. Yet, in every church, every town, every state, there were people—many of them—who demonstrated ongoing appreciation for their pastor (my dad) and his family. I will forever be grateful for their kindness, their generosity, and their demonstrations of encouragement and gratitude. More often than not, those acts of kindness were in direct answer to prayer!

Were I to list for you all of the kindnesses shown to my family because of the leadership role God placed my father in within the church, you would not have time to read them all! (Again, I pause to praise the Lord and express gratitude for the kindness and sensitivity to God’s leading shown to us by the people in our church families.) Taken from real-life examples of gifts of gratitude my family received, below are ten simple ways—anything from free to quite expensive!—that you can use to demonstrate appreciation for those God has placed in the role of pastor or spiritual leader in your life. (These are listed in no order of importance—other than the first one, which is indeed the most important gift of all. Additionally, I will use the term pastor, but if you have multiple pastors, by all means, demonstrate appreciation to each of them.)

1. Pray for your pastor and pray for your pastor’s family. Pray for spiritual protection (the evil ick—my term for the devil—loves to upset and distract those in vocational Christian work), for wisdom, for love, and for spiritual, emotional, and physical strength.

2. Invite your pastor and/or his family to join you/and or your family for a fun activity (such as a free sporting event at the local high school where your son or daughter plays on the team, bowling, a picnic, a day at the lake, etc.). Trust me, pastors and their families love to interact with those in their church, and they love to have fun!

3. Give your pastor a financial gift to help with expenses, to provide a “little extra” for something fun your pastor might not otherwise be able to do with his family, or to cover the cost of a conference he is saving for to attend.

4. Give your pastor a gift, along with a note of thanks for his ministry in your life. This can be anything from a book you know he would enjoy to a gift card for a restaurant he mentioned in one of his recent sermons to the gift of a new car. Yes, I said, a new car!

While we were living in northern Indiana in the late 1960s, a member of our church family anonymously arranged through the local Chevrolet dealership for my father to come and pick out a new car. The picture (from left to right) is of the car dealer, my eight-year-old self, and my dad on the day we went and picked up our brand new 1970 (this was taken in the fall of 1969) Chevrolet Malibu! We thought it was so awesome to have a two-door car in “metallic gold!” That car proved to be an answer to prayer, an unexpected provision for a great need, and an incredible example of generosity that came from someone who apparently had the wherewithal to provide such a gift. (And you thought that scene in Facing the Giants would never really happen!) 

5. Send your pastor’s wife a bouquet of flowers with a note of gratitude for her ministry in your life.

6. With the approval of their parents, give your pastor’s kids a gift card to a department store or prepay for a local event they plan to attend. (Getting to buy “brand new” things is sometimes a rare treat for children of those in vocational ministries that cannot or do not offer “salaries with wiggle room!”)

7. Find out your pastor’s favorite food, favorite collectible item, or favorite author whose books he collects and occasionally surprise him with one of these items and a note stating your appreciation for his ongoing ministry in your life and, where applicable, in the life of your family.

My father mentioned many, many years ago in a sermon that he likes angel food cake. Through the years, a few of the families from that church have seen to it that my dad gets an angel food at various times throughout the year. In fact, when I was visiting their home last month, a daughter of one of those families dropped by one evening just for a quick visit. She and her husband brought with them an angel food cake—just like her parents used to bring to our home many years ago!

8. Send your pastor and/or his family a card, e-mail, or even just a little note as you pass them in the hall at church, telling them that you are praying for them and appreciate them.

9. During an especially busy time (missionary conference, youth emphasis week, or other annual events hosted by your church), call ahead and let your pastor’s wife know that you would like to provide a simple meal for the family. This can be as easy as having a pizza delivered to their home or making something simple in the crock pot and delivering it at a predetermined time so it’s hot when they’re available to sit down to dinner.

10. Though it’s a very generic way to end this list, I would encourage you to demonstrate your appreciation by applying the principles and teachings that your pastor provides through his careful and deliberate study of God’s Word.

You can—and should—demonstrate appreciation for your pastor and spiritual leaders throughout the year. But during this month set aside to be intentional about your gratitude, take a moment to say thanks to your pastor and his family in whatever way you can and by whatever means you think God would have you to do so!

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By Petals from the Basket | October 9, 2013 | Events, Family, Ideas |

Why I Think Most Pastors Are Rich

Pastor Appreciation Month continues, and I want to share a big secret with you that might actually surprise you.

Most pastors are rich.

At least, that’s how my parents made us feel when I was growing up in a pastor’s home. Of course, I don’t say that completely in reference to material wealth. I do, however, want to focus on the fact that we were not poor, even though there were times when we had very little, materially speaking.

There were many things I couldn’t do or couldn’t have because of finances as I was growing up. However, I do not recall even one time when my parents used “we’re too poor” as the reason. More importantly, they did not use an excuse that I have heard multiple pastors’ families use through the years: “Because we’re in ministry, we can’t afford that.”

Shame on the ministry parents who even dare to speak—let alone think—those words. Do you realize what you’re telling your children? You are, in essence, saying, “It’s God fault that you can’t go to that event or have those things. He forced us into this job.” You deny it, but the filter your children have been taught to use now includes the lining of “it’s God’s fault.”

Yes, my mother probably walked to the precipice of truth and fiction when she skillfully diverted our desires to something from the “affordable” rack. But I will forever be grateful that, in my recollection, she did not use ministry as a reason for not having or doing something.

I hear pastors “joke” about the non-wealth of being in ministry. And while I fully and humbly confess that the annual income for most full-time vocational Christian workers is pathetically below that of the people sitting in their congregations, there are, in fact, many benefits that come their way. Here are a few examples for those of you in ministry families to consider when the evil ick tries to tell you that you’re “poor” because your vocational work involves ministry:

* Most Christian colleges offer unheard of discounts to those students coming from ministry families where the head of household is in full-time vocational Christian service. Meanwhile, the student from the same church—whose parent is a deacon or Sunday School teacher—is paying full tuition, sometimes resulting in literally thousands of dollars of difference over four years.

* While the salary numbers might be low on the paycheck, it is important for many—if not most—ministry families to stop and remember that their housing is automatically not added into that number. In other words, the salary can be a bit lower because the church is paying hundreds of (perhaps, in some cases, a thousand or more) dollars each month for mortgage and insurance on the “parsonage.” It is wise for ministry families to stop and add in what dad really makes each month, once all of the “benefits” are added in. This includes the cost of health insurance for the family as well. Many in secular fields pay into their insurance, while often, in ministry, pastors and vocational Christian workers are not required to pay toward their benefits.

* In many churches today, “social events” and “discipleship meetings” (such as lunches out, coffee with someone in the church, or having a family over for dinner) are reimbursed to the vocational Christian worker by the church. Additionally, those items not reimbursed are often tax-deductible—both legally and rightfully so—allowing them to not be the “hardship” or “sacrifice” they might appear to be.

Here’s the bottom line: God knows the amount on your paycheck. He is not surprised by your bills. And more importantly, He is not surprised when there is a gap between the two because you are not financially wealthy in spite of some of the benefits I mentioned above. However, what are you teaching your children, ministry parents? Are you rejoicing when God provides for a need? Are you praising Him for allowing you to learn the lessons of trust and faith when you walk through the “lean” times? Are you teaching your children that these invisible blessings of difficulty are a privilege your family gets to walk through together?

Are you teaching them that vocational Christian service is a curse or a blessing? I’m thankful that my parents, though not perfect in any way, taught us children by words and by example that we were rich—rich in what mattered—and that we did not hear them “blame” ministry for anything we could not do or have.

Though today’s post was primarily written to those in vocational ministry homes, I hope it will also serve as a reminder to those who want to honor their pastors and pastors’ families this month that there are things those in vocational ministry must do without because their take-home income is lower than most in the congregation. Maybe there is something you can choose to do this week to help lighten that load—the most important of which might be a simple note of thanks to not only your pastor but also to his wife and children. If they’re doing it right, they’re doing it together!

By Petals from the Basket | October 7, 2013 | Events, Family |

Pastor Appreciation (and Prayer) Month

While many of my blogging friends are planning to blog each of the thirty-one days in the month of October, I’m going to use October to try to remain consistent with my three (sometimes four) days of blogging per week. Also, I don’t want to bore you with a daily post in October and in November—since we will once again do a daily emphasis on gratitude next month. But more about that later!

October is Pastor Appreciation Month, and I’ll be sharing some things from the perspective of a “PK”—“pastor’s kid!”—since my father served as a senior pastor during my years in my parents’ home. I’ll share some humorous things, some helpful tips for encouraging your pastor and his family, and some resources for ongoing ideas that I hope will bring joy to both you and your pastor’s family!

Though I won’t be writing thirty-one days in a row, I’m going to ask you to pray for your pastor as many days as possible this month. You might not read this until later in the month, so I’m not asking for an unrealistic commitment to all thirty-one days. I’m simply asking you to begin—or continue—the habit of consistently praying for your spiritual leaders. Will you do that with me?

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By Petals from the Basket | October 1, 2013 | Events |