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The Change I Desire Most

My address is changing. My hairstyle just changed—again. My plans have changed. The current eight-week theme at my new church is about change. My dress size just changed (for the better)! My goals have changed. My desires have changed.

It’s clearly a season of change.

Yet in the midst of outward change, I’m finding that the most important change of all is not around me. In fact, it’s not even the changes about me.

The most important change of all is the change that I desire to have within me:

An all-encompassing love for God; a greater eagerness to follow Him than to lead others; a sincere contentment in His plan, in His time, and in His way; a commitment to Him that won’t waver; a prayer life that weaves my heart together with God’s heart; a longing for Him above all others; and a hunger for His Word that transforms my heart beyond recognition.

Lord, change me.

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Click here to learn about the 2014 WRW Month Contest and to access the report form.

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By Petals from the Basket | February 18, 2014 | God-and-I-Time, Life Changes |

Are You Just Moving, Moving On, or Moving Forward?

Just moving, moving on, and moving forward have one vital element in common: there is movement. Movement means that there is life. And where there is life, there can be hope. And hope provides both motivation and direction for movement. And thus, the cycle continues.

Just moving implies movement that is a hiccup away from being nullified by the word just, giving the impression that there is little more than an ever-so-slight movement or movement with little or no effort or emotion. But whether we are referring to movement in someone we love who has battled great difficulty or sadness or to the movement we are personally able to take when we thought we just couldn’t go on, we must focus on the fact—the hope—that there is, in fact, movement.

Moving on implies movement in a new direction—moving away from the present location or status. When it becomes clear that the current path is not the one we should be on or it is handing us a battle we cannot—and perhaps should not—win, it is time to move on to a new road, taking the lessons (both painful and joyful) with us, and heading to a destination that gives hope, not defeat. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that “moving on” is equivalent to “giving up.” It’s quite the opposite. It’s winning by fighting diligently for what we believe is the right thing and then when the immovable brick wall confronts us, instead of repeatedly hitting the wall, spending our time becoming bloodied and too wounded to do anything else that we ought to be doing, we stop and acknowledge that our talents, skills, desires, goals, abilities, gifts, emotions, etc. would be better invested in another course of action—a course with hope.

Moving forward implies momentum. Additionally, it not only implies but also requires a forward look. Learn from the past, remember the past, cherish the memories from the past—and take them with you as you move forward. You don’t have to be done with the past to live in the present and look to the future. You can have all three simultaneously. And therein is the greatest hope.

Psalm 31:24 – Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 33:22 – May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 42:5 – Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

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Click here to learn about the 2014 WRW Month Contest and to access the report form.

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By Petals from the Basket | February 15, 2014 | God-and-I-Time, Life Changes |

Validate Your Valentines

On September 11, 2001, my brother, as part of his normal morning schedule, was at the World Trade Center. I won’t rehash the events of this sad and all-too-familiar day, but I will quickly state that my brother had already left the WTC prior to the attack. However, I did not know for almost three hours that he was not one of those buried in the rubble. The range of responses to my understandably fearful concern was from one extreme to the other. My least favorite was: “Well, you just need to trust God. If you’re worried, you’re not showing any trust in God.”

Though, in essence, they carried truth, as those words touched my ears, their tone of invalidation painfully pierced my anxious heart.

A few years ago, my father quite suddenly had a quintuple bypass and open-heart surgery to replace a valve that was all but useless. The prayers, encouragement, and help our family received at that time were blessings too great to number.

But in their desire to comfort and calm my own heart as I awaited news (in another state) throughout his surgery, people would say, “Oh, just remember that they do thousands of these surgeries every day across America.” While that was a true statement, I kept thinking—and sometimes replied—”But they don’t do this to my father every day.” And for some reason—totally unintentionally on their part—their words seemed to invalidate the concern I was feeling, and they brought me little if any comfort.

Recently, I had a difficult day and shared that, in a moment of exasperation, with a friend: “It’s been a yucky day.” Her invalidating reply was, “You think YOU had a yucky day, try living MY life!” Yes, this friend’s difficulties have been and continue to be burdensome, and no, I should not have been whining. Yet I simply sought verifying validation that my pain, struggles, and problems were real—to me. More importantly, I simply sought an understanding and listening ear—even if only for a moment.

These three real-life, personal illustrations are not shared to seek your pity or response to any of them. Instead, I wrote them out for my own benefit. On this day, Valentine’s Day, our thoughts are on love, relationships, friendships, and a desire to demonstrate our care for others. Yet a major element of love is validating the needs, concerns, desires, cares, and interests of the ones we love. During my father’s time in the ICU at the hospital, the hospital would “validate” my parking stub as a way of showing that what I was doing—being there to provide support for a loved one—was important. It mattered. And because it mattered, they were willing to forego the standard parking fees.

How much greater should be my desire to validate the needs, concerns, and joys of others through a listening ear, a kind word, or a note that says that I care, that I understand, that I’m praying for them on a day or during a time that might be extra difficult, or simply that they matter.

The gift of validation doesn’t just apply to romantic love. It applies to all the “one anothers” that are the objects of the command to “love one another.” As we celebrate love, friendships, and relationships today, I sincerely pray that we will include the quietly powerful gift of validation.

____________________

If you haven’t joined in on our February contest yet, there’s still plenty of time, and the prizes are AWESOME!

Click here to learn about the 2014 WRW Month Contest and to access the report form.

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By Petals from the Basket | February 14, 2014 | Events, Family, Friends |

I Can Love Him, But Can I Like Him?

My friend and spiritual mentor, Tami, once gave me a list of thirty-eight things to look for in a possible mate. Yes, you read that right: thirty-eight. I wrote the list—in quite tiny print, in order to fit it all on one page—in the back of my Bible and prayed over it and about it with ritualistic consistency.

My precious mother, my lifelong spiritual mentor both in word and by example—even through failures, both hers and mine—saw it and laughed. That’s right. She laughed. And then she proceeded to give me the list of four questions God used for her to respond favorably to my father’s pursuits (and yes, sweet sister-friends, he pursued her):

1. Is he a believer who is attempting, even through failed attempts, to follow Christ? [If the answer to this question is no, do not pass “Go,” do not collect two hundred dollars, and do not continue in the relationship. Someone will be the spiritual leader in the home, and if the answer to this is no, it won’t be him.]

2. Do I love him?

3. Do I respect him?

4. Do I like him?

When I looked puzzled by the simplicity of her list, she added that the fourth question was perhaps one of the most important. And as I began to stack my many failed, short-term, shallow relationships up against this standard, it made sense to me.

Your personality might be different from mine, but I can pretty much choose to love just about anyone. Perhaps it’s the positivity focus I choose to feed or the fact that I know that it’s a biblical command to “love one another,” but I find it quite easy to love.

Liking someone is completely different for me. In fact, this applies to my friendships with other women as well. I love them dearly, but liking them—truly liking who they are and what they do and wanting to spend time with them because of it—is often a deal breaker for me. I’ve stated before that my friendships are vast and broad in their scope and their reach, but they do not run deep. I’ve come to the realization that my ability to truly like a person—whether in a basic friendship with a male or female or in a dating relationship with a man who is initiating forward progress—is what makes the difference.

No, you won’t like everything that person does, but you will like the fact that he or she stands back up after falling, the fact that he or she laughs at your ridiculously lame jokes, the fact that this person is interested in things you care about even if he or she is not interested in those same things, the character quality in him or her that shows up right when someone needs it, and the list goes on. In actuality, it’s not even so much about liking what the person does but about liking who the person is—as a person!

Maybe I’m just thinking “out loud” today, or maybe my transparently shared thoughts will help someone who is deciding whether or not to cross the bridge into Relationship Land this Valentine’s week, but let me encourage you, dear friend, to go beyond love and truly like the other person—whether in friendships, relationships, or in your long-established marriage.

Though I often hate to admit it, this time, I’m glad I can: Mother knows best! And while I still haven’t stopped longing to hear the three words, “I love you,” from God’s chosen person in God’s chosen time, I think I equally long to be able to reply in kind, followed by the additional words, “and I like you too!”

____________________

If you haven’t joined in on our February contest yet, there’s still plenty of time, and the prizes are AWESOME!

Click here to learn about the 2014 WRW Month Contest and to access the report form.

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By Petals from the Basket | February 13, 2014 | Family, Friends, Life Changes |

Traveling on Life’s Treadmill

Over the last five weeks, I have walked almost to Chicago—in the dead of winter. By reaching my goal of walking an average of not less than twenty miles a week on the treadmill, I figure that’s right about where I would be if I were actually walking somewhere.

So it hit me: where would I be if I were actually moving forward spiritually?

We—and by “we” I mean “I”—use the same excuses for not exercising and seeking fitness that apply to not being committed to Christ:

I’ll start tomorrow.

I want to indulge just one more time, and then I’ll have it out of my system.

Once I’m perfect, then I’ll feel confident about talking to others about it.

I’m not sure that the small, incremental payoffs are really worth all the work it takes to make right choices.

I’m working hard, but it seems I’m getting nowhere. Certainly you don’t expect me to give up the little things I enjoy so much. They’re not that bad!

If you are anywhere but ahead of where you were yesterday, then it’s time to start moving forward. If you’ve stopped on the treadmill of spiritual growth, just start again—one small step at a time. If you are in the midst of forward momentum, choose to go farther than you thought you could go.

So today’s question is a simple one: where would you be if you were actually moving forward spiritually?

 ____________________

If you haven’t joined in on our February contest yet, there’s still plenty of time, and the prizes are AWESOME!

Click here to learn about the 2014 WRW Month Contest and to access the report form.

_______________________

Would you like us to e-mail our posts to you? We’ll only send you the blog posts—no spam—and we won’t give your information to anyone else! In fact, you can unsubscribe at any time, and we’ll still be friends!

It’s imperative that you reply to the “confirm that you subscribed” e-mail, so we know that it’s really you!

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By Petals from the Basket | February 12, 2014 | Bible Reading, God-and-I-Time, Life Changes |