Petals from the Basket

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A Picture-Perfect (but Painful) Lesson

Since I’ve been pretty transparent about things these past two years on the blog (two years—can you believe it?), and you’ve patiently listened, read the latest posts, and patted my hand with a loving “it’ll be okay, Brenda” or smacked me upside the head with a “straighten up, Brenda,” I’ll let you in on a secret today.

Moving was easier when I was younger. I’m not 100 percent certain of the reason for that, but a few possible explanations come to mind:

1. We get more set in our ways as we age; any change to the “comfortable” elements wreaks havoc on our minds.

2. We have most likely established our “earned” and true friendships by the time we hit our middle years. Letting new people into the inner circle of our lives is, at times, quite unsettling.

3. We bring our filters with us into our new environment, and these filters often contradict the “local filters.” For example: Did the people in our former setting demonstrate their emotions with reserve? Then we are likely to be quite put off by someone in our new location being overly demonstrative with their emotions; therefore, we shy away from the uncomfortable possibility that we might be expected to do the same.

4. We are used to the “NORM!” response, and we feel “unwelcome” when we don’t receive it. (Pardon the reference to the TV show Cheers, but it pictures it perfectly. In the fictitious local pub, Cheers, one particularly frequent patron was well-liked and well-known to the point that everyone in the pub called out his name as he entered!) Perhaps we’ve gone from being the big fish in our little pond to being the new, little fish in a very big pond. Rather than feel “unpopular,” we choose to become something of a social recluse and blame everyone in the new setting for not being very nice to us  (i.e., not meeting the expectations to which we have become accustomed)!

Whatever the reason or reasons may be, it’s just harder to move as you age. Especially when you do it alone. Now, don’t get upset with me, my dear FWMs (Friends with Mates). But I truly believe it’s trickier for singles—especially older ones. Yes, a move is hard even if you’re one of the FWMs, but you have someone to sit next to and be new with in church; you have someone to accept you while you’re waiting for the locals to do the same; and you have someone to stand with you as you awkwardly wait in line—the wrong one, it turns out—to sign up for the new membership class at church.

No, I’m not whining. Honest. Okay, sort of.

But then, just as you’re fighting back a tear of self-pity, sadness, and homesickness as you mindlessly sing the songs in church that morning…

WAIT! Why am I speaking in second person? Transparency isn’t all-inclusive. It’s me. Sharing my life. So let’s try that again:

But then, as I was fighting back a tear of self-pity, sadness, and homesickness as I mindlessly sang the songs in church this morning, the Spirit pricked me awake and used the next line of the song so pointedly that I was pretty certain the “subliminal message” on the screen was clear for all in the congregation to see: “Brenda Strohbehn, this one’s for you!” (Did anyone else see that neon orange message behind the words?) In essence, the song spoke of His being more than enough; therefore, He gets all of me.

Ouch. The needed prick from God was also a painful reminder of my selfishness. He brought me here. I’ve lived here (officially) for three weeks. So I need to remember that any destination (any friendship) worth reaching is worth the time it takes to get there.

With my "new/old" friend Lydia at her belated birthday celebration/craft day yesterday.

But I can’t stop this blog post there. (Even though that is a good stopping place!) Because I have already made an amazing friend here in Indiana, and to not include that element after all my whining about being “alone” and seemingly “friendless” would be just plain wrong. I actually “met” her through this blog (as a friend of my mother’s, she graciously read a post when referred by my mom a few years back), and then I met her kindred-spirit personality by becoming her friend on Facebook, and then I met her and her dear husband in person recently on her birthday (which she shares with my mother). This sweet new friend LOVES that I don’t post photos on my blog, but that I get straight to the point. But today, I just HAVE to post a photo of the two of us at her home yesterday. She welcomed me with open arms and an open heart, and I already truly count her as a friend! So sweet Lydia, even though you are a “crazy chicken lady” (she raises chickens like pets; me? I’m literally freaked out by chickens—true story), and even though you won’t like that I posted this, I think you are beautiful inside and out, and I thank you for already being the kind of friend I could share my secrets with!

So, I guess I really am getting settled. But I will diligently and DELIBERATELY (my word for 2014!) remember that my God is more than enough: He’s more than my location; more than my longings; more than my needs; more than my desires; more than my friendships; more than my weakness; more than my strengths—He’s more. And because of that, He gets all of me.

By Petals from the Basket | March 30, 2014 | Events, Family, Friends, God-and-I-Time, Life Changes |

Do You Want a Free Ad?

Though in many ways (okay, totally) unrelated to the usual content of this blog, I wanted to take a moment today to offer this information to those who may not otherwise know about it.

Last Fall, I created a catalog to help connect Etsy shop owners, crafters, photographers, authors, and other artisans to one another and to a new audience of possible customers. The inaugural issue of the Creative Connections Catalog was, to the glory of God, a success.

It wouldn’t leave my mind, however, that I started the catalog to help others—not to make money from it or from them. Therefore, to help the catalog more broadly reach its original goal of “connecting” products to people who need and want them (some of the shops or items you might not ever hear about otherwise), I decided that, at least for the remainder of 2014, the catalogs—and the ads in them—will be FREE!

The deadline for new ads is coming soon. We still have FREE ad space available in the all-new, FREE Creative Connections Catalog for Etsy shops, products, and website stores. Please use the link below if you are interested in participating as an advertiser (serious, appropriate entries only, please; we reserve the right to refuse any ad based on its appropriateness).

This is not a gimmick; there is no spam, no pressure—this catalog is truly just my gesture of kindness and a way of “paying it forward” to help shop owners (both large, well-established shops and brand new shops with only a few customers) to “connect” to new customer opportunities and to connect customers to new items.

Ads are due Tuesday, April 1 (no fooling!), so submit yours SOON!

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT SUBMITTING AN AD FOR THE SPRING 2014 ISSUE OF THE CREATIVE CONNECTIONS CATALOG

By Petals from the Basket | March 26, 2014 | Family, Friends, Ideas |

What You Need to Do Is….

She hasn’t been to church in months. You’re concerned about her because you know she doesn’t even care that she hasn’t been there for months. You meet her for lunch. And you talk to her about her need to get back into church and to be consistent in her church attendance.

He keeps choosing to use his God-given skills to acquire more money, which he uses to buy more things—just because he can. You are concerned that he seems to put God and spiritual things in second place (which, sadly, he is doing). You talk to him over dinner about how much money he’s spending on things versus how that money could help the orphanage in Africa that your church helps to sponsor. You even remember to throw in a few Bible verses about giving to the poor.

So many of us spiritually “boast” about not having extra-biblical lists for others, yet we approach these areas of concern as if they—things like not attending church and investing in temporary provisions—are the problem. Hence, we’re lining up someone’s actions with a “list” of what we believe to be right. (And I will add here that yes, church attendance and properly motivated stewardship with the wealth that we’ve been entrusted with are both right things. But stick with me.)

It’s like we’re putting Band-Aids® on the open wounds of leprosy and thinking that we have the cure for leprosy. We’re only addressing the outward signs of an inner problem. Many call this the “roots and fruits principle.” We’re picking rotten fruit off of a dying tree, when the real problem that needs to be addressed lies in the roots.

I remember hearing a preacher stand up and give a “tongue lashing” to the congregation because there were not enough workers in the children’s ministry. He went on and on about how people should stop being lazy and offer to help out with junior church and kids’ clubs and many other areas, and then he kept saying how the program would have to shut down if people weren’t willing to give up their time and volunteer.

As I sat in that congregation, listening as a guest, I thought, Tell them Who Jesus is and what Jesus did for them, and you’ll have volunteers comin’ out the yang-yang, Mister Preacher!

But the same applies to us: When we sincerely want to help someone whose outward signs are indicating inward complacency toward spiritual things, we first need to ask about that person’s walk with God. If the woman in the first example doesn’t love God, who cares how many times a month she goes to church? She needs the Lord to be at the forefront, and she needs for Him to be ruling and reigning as the Master of her life and her choices. When He’s got first place, she’ll want to go to church and learn more about Him and be with His people.

When the man in the second example is lovingly, humbly, and graciously questioned to evaluate the level of his current relationship with the Giver of All Things, his likelihood for changing his priorities heavenward greatly increases. Again, if he is at odds with God and not following Christ wholeheartedly, who cares how much many he has or how large the check is that he sends to Africa? Teach him Who God is, and if God leads him to do so (not you!), his response will be to use what he has been given as an offering of praise!

So what about you? What about me? What are we trying to “fix” in our spiritual lives by doing this or by being that? What we need to do is be in God’s Word. They need to know God, to really know Who He is and to learn of His character, His unconditional love, His sacrifice, His mercy, His grace, and oh, so much more!

And when we do, the rest will follow.

By Petals from the Basket | March 24, 2014 | Bible Reading, Friends, God-and-I-Time, Ideas |

Before “I Understand” Comes “Why Me?”

Why me?

How can anything good come from this?

Will I ever return to “normal” life?

God, what do You want me to learn from this?

While you and I might not receive the answers to these questions during our lifetime, we must remember that, even without a specific “answer,” we can use our trials, difficulties, losses, broken dreams, unplanned changes, etc. with a firsthand understanding that others won’t have. By His grace and with His help, we can follow the Bible’s teaching in II Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV): “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

This doesn’t mean that we stop hurting. It means that we have a unique opportunity to reach out to others whose hurt mirrors our own or to those who are headed to a hurt we can help them to see before it takes them down into the same valley we had to travel, only because we understand—truly understand. Though none of us can say that this is the reason for our trial, we can almost always say that this is at least a small part of the reason He entrusted the trial to us—after all, God thought it was an important enough part of the reason to tell us about it in His Word!

I’m going to close with a great quotation I found last night, using it as a reminder that even though we don’t know why something happens, we can do our best to influence what happens because of it:

“Sometimes God redeems your story by surrounding you with people who need to hear your past so it doesn’t become their future.” ~Jon Acuff

By Petals from the Basket | March 23, 2014 | Bible Reading, Life Changes |

Grace – Just Grace

We sing “Amazing Grace,” but do we really believe that it’s amazing?

A former neighbor had an affair with a married man, resulting in a child that she chose to keep. (He’s an adorable little three-year-old boy with a personality that won’t quit!) But his mother truly believes that she deserves nothing better than casual flings because she “ruined” her life. She believes that no man who is “worth anything” would want her.

A childhood friend went through a painful divorce many years ago now and actually thinks that God can’t use him because of it. So now he lives without true hope, thinking that God somehow loves him in a lesser way. Because of that way of thinking, he lives a life that is based on temporal values and temporal relationships. He thinks he deserves nothing deeper than that.

A high school student was known as—and labeled as—a “goof off” during his junior high years, primarily due to a major change in location for his family, which he was struggling through. Though the behavior was no longer a part of his life, he just “gave up” on school, on his dreams, and on believing that he could make positive changes in his life.

Grace isn’t grace because we earn it, deserve it, or have any rights to it. That’s what makes it grace. When we realize the true potency of grace, we move beyond the past and claim “strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.”

Through grace, we make change. By accepting the reality and power of grace, we can accept God’s unconditional love. By grace, we live transformed lives.

Regardless of the lack of grace bestowed upon us by others whose pride says, “Thank goodness, that’s not me! I never would have made those wrong choices,” we have the unfathomable grace of God that says, “I valued you enough to offer you My grace. Therefore, My grace gives you value. Accept it and live accordingly.”

When we try to add our worth to that, we can’t claim what He offers. We’ll come up short, and we’ll think we only deserve to continue on the downward path that we’re currently on.

But because of grace—just His amazing grace—we have hope. We can change. We can move forward. We can realize that His grace is more than enough. We can sing, with renewed hearts, “Through many dangers, toils, and snares, I have already come. ‘Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”

By Petals from the Basket | March 15, 2014 | God-and-I-Time, Life Changes |