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Take that Rewarding Risk

The movie Hitch is one of my all-time favorites. I’ve been known to watch it multiple times in one month…okay, week…fine, I’ll admit it: day! It’s hysterical (funniest dance scene in any movie ever!); it’s light on objectionable elements, such as language or content; and I love that the “normal guy” wins!

For some reason, one line from this movie has been on my mind a lot lately. Albert, played by actor Kevin James in the movie, is speaking of his seemingly unattainable love interest and says, “You know what it’s like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is…with the wrong man but, at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it’s never going to be with you?” Seriously. That gets me every time, and I’m pretty sure I sigh out an “awwwww,” each time! Is that love or what?

It resonates with all of us because, well, who wouldn’t want to know and feel that kind of selfless love? But oddly enough, this Hollywood movie also strikes a chord with me, as a believer in Christ, reminding me that I must care more about another person’s relationship with God than I care about their relationship with me. When I do that, I am living out the selfless love of Christ—something so much easier to talk about or to write about than to actually do.

Let me give you a real-life example. I had a conversation yesterday with someone whose relationship with me I treasure dearly. Without disclosing details, the friend was tired, and I was tired, and something was said that sent up a red flag of “don’t go there” in my mind. I made an off-the-cuff remark that implied we should change the conversation, but I never addressed it with the other person’s best interest at heart. Truth be told, I was afraid the person would think I was being a—for lack of a better term—”goody two shoes.”

This afternoon, after a heart-prodding God-and-I-time, I had to honestly answer the question I’ve often asked others: “Is this relationship so important to you that you’re willing to sin to keep it?” I wrote a note to this person, and, without “preaching” I explained what I hadn’t said courageously last night: that I was uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken. The initial response was in keeping with the godly character of the recipient of my words, and I was grateful. Only time will tell if the words were relationship enders or relationship enhancers. But I’m going to have to tell you honestly: it doesn’t matter.

What mattered was knowing that my relationship with Christ was at peace because I was following His request for my obedience. What mattered was expressing to the recipient of my words: you matter, but God matters more—to both of us. It was a risk that had a reward for everyone involved!

Is there someone whose acceptance of you has become more important to you than knowing that your relationship with Christ is at peace? Is there someone whose acceptance of you needs to be less important to you than your knowing that their relationship with Christ is stronger because you courageously laid the relationship on the line so that their walk with Christ would be unhindered, even if it means you are no longer in the picture? (By the way, these relationships might be family relationships, friendships, work relationships, or dating relationships.)

I guess what I’m sharing is this: Care enough about the other person to risk taking second place…to Christ!

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By Petals from the Basket | January 26, 2014 | Family, Friends, God-and-I-Time |

Light in the Midst of the Loss

My highest-rated blog post ever? My post from last night, scolding young men for not courageously asking for dates! Who’da thunk it. We may need to revisit this topic again periodically—not for ratings but because it’s clearly a topic that resonates across generational lines. I received more e-mails than I could possibly reply to in one day, so if you wrote, I will reply—it might just take me a day or two. I appreciate your encouragement, comments, questions, shared experiences, and the opportunity to connect with you. My personal favorite response was from Cerelle T., who wrote, “Have fun and let the Lord drive.” I now have that on a note card by my computer. Great advice!

I had scheduled a personal “social media fast” from tonight until tomorrow night, but we had a death in my extended family, and I cancelled it. Some things matter more than prescheduled events on a calendar.

It hit me tonight that it is often in our losses that we gain the most. Oh, it doesn’t feel like it at the time. In fact, it seems that the loss results in a total emptiness that overtakes us and becomes one that will never loosen its grip from around our hearts, choking the very life from us. We are consumed with the desert-like feel of our dry and barren spirits when the person, desire, or dream is no longer visible in our future, even through the mirage of memories.

Yet in those darkest moments, we learn to appreciate the light—brief though the first little flicker may be:

A smile.

A kind word.

A selfless hug.

A listening ear.

An understanding look.

Each of these acts as one little candle, reaching out to light the next one, and the next, and the next, until once again, light surrounds the heart and shines on the path we are to walk, never removing the darkness, but gradually no longer allowing it to dominate the light.

We may not ever understand this side of heaven why we are called upon to walk through the darkness for a time, a season, or repeatedly. But we know that the Light of the World is there, holding the first candle, providing the first little flicker of hope when hope seems gone and saying, “My grace is enough.” And when we believe that, we look into His light, and its rays point us toward

that smile,

that kind word,

that selfless hug,

that listening ear,

that understanding look

that are being reflected by those He has placed along the new path to walk beside us, encouraging us with their swelling chorus of friendship and love.

This post is dedicated to many, but primarily to Gordon, Linda, and Marvin, my cousins, whose loss is great.

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By Petals from the Basket | January 22, 2014 | Events, Family, Friends, Life Changes |

Auntie Brenda’s Dating Advice

Maybe it’s the lack of chocolate overload that my body and brain were getting accustomed to. Maybe it’s the sore muscles that have actually been used recently. Maybe I’ve just heard too many amazing young women lately, asking, “What’s wrong with me?” But whatever the cause, “Auntie Brenda” is a bit miffed. In fact, you might even go so far as to say that Pollyanna has left the building!

Tuesday is the day that I pray for singles—young ones, old ones, males, females—all of them! I started this in 1997 when I worked at a small Christian college, and the sweet, nervous young men would come to “Auntie Brenda’s” desk and get dating advice or talk over who they were hoping to ask out. I hosted more “let’s just get a group together and hang out first to see how it goes” events in my house out in the woods than I ever dreamed possible! But I loved every minute of it, and I love that some of them are together to this day, and that some realized there was something or someone different in store for them.

Just remember this: just because a woman or man is not married doesn’t mean they don’t want to be married. They’re just not married. Do I think that God chooses for every person to be married? No, I don’t. In fact, it’s probably close to impossible, based on the ratio of males to females—at least in the US. But I’ll save that info for a future post. Today is about Auntie Brenda givin’ some young un’s (and maybe even some old un’s) the what-for.

What ever happened to dating? And for criminy crickets, what ever happened to the courageous young men who said early in the week, “Are you available for dinner on Friday evening?” I’m honestly clueless as to what kind of courage that must take—and I’m sure it takes a lot—but muster up that courage and…no…that’s not strong enough: MAN UP and ASK her out on a real, honest-to-goodness date!

Girls, ladies, friends, princesses, and precious gems, WHEN he asks, remember that he is asking you to dinner (an event, a movie, a game night at his own “Auntie Brenda’s” abode, or to something else that could be considered a “date”); he is NOT asking for your hand in marriage. LIGHTEN UP! No wonder he’s terrified to ask!

And precious females, we’ve all done it—I’ve done it—but do NOT invite yourself out with him or manipulate events to get to be with him. The fun is awesome until it’s time to go home, and then you’ll carry with you that feeling of knowing that the only reason you were there was because you showed up, not because he wanted to be with you enough to ask. LET him ask you out. Oh, for heaven’s sake—MAKE him ask you out. If he’s too fearful, and he doesn’t ask and, heaven forbid, you have to stay home that night or do something with “the girls,” it’s OKAY! It doesn’t mean you’re unloved, unworthy, unchosen, unpopular, or unbeautiful (is that even a word?)! It means that guy didn’t ask for that event. It might mean he never will. It might mean he was at his cousin’s Bar Mitzvah in Pittsburgh. Just think on what is true and move on to the next events of the day. Remember: “Except the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain that build it!” (Psalm 127:1) He’s got every other element of your life covered. Let God do this too—and no, He doesn’t need your help!

But men, it’s time. I’m tired of all this. I’m too old to hold your hands any longer and guide you through it. I know I’m old-fashioned. I know I’m not totally PC with all this. I know women have brains and rights and courage and abilities. But I also know that you, my dear men, need to pick up the phone, give her a call, send her an e-mail, walk up to her in person—or however you choose to courageously approach her—and stop thinking, “Well, it’s her turn to call me.” CALL HER. ASK HER. INVITE HER.

I know this isn’t my “prettiest” post. But it’s necessary.  Don’t MAKE me get all “Auntie Brenda” up in here again. Pick. up. that. phone. There are some amazing women who might just think that you’re amazing men!

 

By Petals from the Basket | January 21, 2014 | Friends, Ideas, Life Changes |

The Monday Morning Mirror – Week 1

In yesterday’s post (which, after you’re done with this post, you can read here), I shared that I will be publicly walking my personal journey of health and fitness—in my desire to take care of myself so that I can better care for my aging parents—and that I will share tidbits of that journey on this blog on Mondays. So today is the first installment of “The Monday Morning Mirror.”

Reflections on the past week:

Exercise. This past week, I walked outside for thirty-five minutes, three days! I took short, normal steps the first day, and my goal on the third day was to extend my gait a little bit in order to “step it up” a notch. The weather here in Indiana has been whack this month, so the cold and lots of blowing snow ended up being good excuses to stay indoors. My goal was three days, and I did three. However, I used lame excuses for not doing something in the house on the other days, and that will end today.

Eating. My mom cooks fairly healthful meals; I just accessorize them with butter, and I need to pull back on that. As for my “snacks,” I need to figure that out this week. Do you have an easy, inexpensive, healthful snack you could recommend other than just fresh veggies (which I’m going to do this week)? I work from home, and for some reason, about 2:30 p.m., I’d pretty much trade all my earthly belongings for a piece of salted caramel fudge from the local fudge shop! Help! Ideas appreciated!

Reading that inspired me this past week:

I Corinthians 9:27, NLT “I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.”

The part that hit me hardest and stuck with me was “training it to do what it should.” My body was designed by a meticulous Designer, and it is meant to be healthy; therefore, it can be, but I must train it properly!

Realistic goals for the week ahead:

I’m going to exercise five days this week—either outside, inside, or a combination of both. Since my parents have a treadmill and two exercise bikes, I have no excuses. I also have weights and exercise videos that are right at my fingertips, so there will be a full report next Monday on how I switched things up this week. I’m also going to write down every morsel of food that crosses between my lips, and I’m going to memorize I Corinthians 9:27 this week. Anyone else care to memorize this with me?

God is good, and I’m moving forward!

 
Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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By Petals from the Basket | January 20, 2014 | Bible Reading, Ideas, Life Changes |

Pass the Oxygen, Please

My life is pretty much an open book—well, an open blog post, an open tweet, an open Pinterest board, or an open Facebook page might be more like it! I believe in living transparently with discretion. I post about myself and the lessons I’m learning on the path I’m walking—not about others (at least not in specific ways that would be inappropriate for me to share).

So, against my better judgment, or with great judgment—I’ll let you know when I decide which it is—I’m going to publicly start posting a portion of my journey that many of us face on a daily basis. It is indeed part of our spiritual walk, though all too often, we try to differentiate the two, leading us to undesired outcomes. I’m talking about my own personal health and fitness. I’ve not only done the typical roller coaster battle with this for my adult life, I’ve literally ridden the “corkscrew roller coaster,” along with all of its twists and turns, ups and downs, and its contrasting moments of extreme delight and sheer terror.

I’m not a health and fitness guru—duh!—nor am I attempting to turn this into a site for a fitness and exercise forum for all of the solutions that have worked for you. I’m thrilled you found what worked for you! Stick with it! I intend to do the same with what I believe is the right path for me to take to return to feeling the best I can be for the tasks that are before me.

When you fly the friendly skies, the flight attendant reminds parents to, in case it becomes necessary, put on their own oxygen masks first and then help their children. It makes perfect sense. They need to be at full strength to provide the best possible care. Well, after my announcement this past week that I’ll be assisting in the care of my aging parents, I realized that to be a good caregiver, I need to take care of myself first—something I have neglected for many reasons and for many months longer than I should have. Just as my spiritual walk with God must be headed down the right path so that I can provide spiritual guidance and wisdom for others, my physical life needs to get itself in order too!

So, on Mondays, I’m simply going to share a few tidbits from this part of my journey. I’m announcing it publicly to have accountability, and I’m doing it on Mondays so that I don’t blow it on the weekends! So what am I doing? Something new, novel, original, and extreme—I’m eating right and exercising! Please, I remind you, please, do not send me your plans, quick fixes, diet supplements, etc. I’m honestly telling you up front that I won’t read them, and I will delete them. God and I have been conversing about this for several days, and our plan is in place. I’m just going public because y’all will be awesome encouragers, and I hope, more than anything, that I can encourage others who battle this same weakness. No photos until later on—not to hide anything, but because this is not about dress size, waist size, or parts that jiggle too much. It’s about health, fitness, and taking care of what God has given me so that I can better care for others.

Pray. Pray hard! And pass the oxygen, please!

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By Petals from the Basket | January 19, 2014 | Events, Family, God-and-I-Time, Life Changes |