She hasn’t been to church in months. You’re concerned about her because you know she doesn’t even care that she hasn’t been there for months. You meet her for lunch. And you talk to her about her need to get back into church and to be consistent in her church attendance.

He keeps choosing to use his God-given skills to acquire more money, which he uses to buy more things—just because he can. You are concerned that he seems to put God and spiritual things in second place (which, sadly, he is doing). You talk to him over dinner about how much money he’s spending on things versus how that money could help the orphanage in Africa that your church helps to sponsor. You even remember to throw in a few Bible verses about giving to the poor.

So many of us spiritually “boast” about not having extra-biblical lists for others, yet we approach these areas of concern as if they—things like not attending church and investing in temporary provisions—are the problem. Hence, we’re lining up someone’s actions with a “list” of what we believe to be right. (And I will add here that yes, church attendance and properly motivated stewardship with the wealth that we’ve been entrusted with are both right things. But stick with me.)

It’s like we’re putting Band-Aids® on the open wounds of leprosy and thinking that we have the cure for leprosy. We’re only addressing the outward signs of an inner problem. Many call this the “roots and fruits principle.” We’re picking rotten fruit off of a dying tree, when the real problem that needs to be addressed lies in the roots.

I remember hearing a preacher stand up and give a “tongue lashing” to the congregation because there were not enough workers in the children’s ministry. He went on and on about how people should stop being lazy and offer to help out with junior church and kids’ clubs and many other areas, and then he kept saying how the program would have to shut down if people weren’t willing to give up their time and volunteer.

As I sat in that congregation, listening as a guest, I thought, Tell them Who Jesus is and what Jesus did for them, and you’ll have volunteers comin’ out the yang-yang, Mister Preacher!

But the same applies to us: When we sincerely want to help someone whose outward signs are indicating inward complacency toward spiritual things, we first need to ask about that person’s walk with God. If the woman in the first example doesn’t love God, who cares how many times a month she goes to church? She needs the Lord to be at the forefront, and she needs for Him to be ruling and reigning as the Master of her life and her choices. When He’s got first place, she’ll want to go to church and learn more about Him and be with His people.

When the man in the second example is lovingly, humbly, and graciously questioned to evaluate the level of his current relationship with the Giver of All Things, his likelihood for changing his priorities heavenward greatly increases. Again, if he is at odds with God and not following Christ wholeheartedly, who cares how much many he has or how large the check is that he sends to Africa? Teach him Who God is, and if God leads him to do so (not you!), his response will be to use what he has been given as an offering of praise!

So what about you? What about me? What are we trying to “fix” in our spiritual lives by doing this or by being that? What we need to do is be in God’s Word. They need to know God, to really know Who He is and to learn of His character, His unconditional love, His sacrifice, His mercy, His grace, and oh, so much more!

And when we do, the rest will follow.